The Polyvagal Theory Debate: Mobilizing Opposition & Percussion with Playing Instead of Fighting
Notice the Navel Radiation emanating from #93. Moving from the center outward with focus, mobilizing with nervous system state Play/Dance rather than Fight/Flight. Healthy competition, rather than dog-eat-dog games, creates space for authentic movement within group movement. 🌟
As someone who watches a lot of arguments about yellow cards on youth soccer fields, catches some really loud and feisty trampoline play in my backyard, and is a deeply feeling human in general (like many of you), I don't think it's wise, helpful or productive to perpetuate the idea we should all agree all the time or swallow our feelings.
However, I also think we should have access to know how to live more fully, express ourselves and move our bodies in ways that satisfy and honor our own boundaries as well as others—without having to Fight, Flee or Shutdown.
Our bodies have the biological capacity for a robust embodiment of "nervous system regulation" (that does not involve Fight/Flight chemistry) without needing to aim our pain at our peers or downhill to the next generation.
In other words, opposition, pushback, debate and preference don't need to manifest as war, picking, poking, shaming or avoidance. There's a way we can embody putting our foot down without marginalizing or dominating others. There's a way to express, to embody, to celebrate healthy competition, and even "be nice" without losing the integrity of our life force.
The most recent debate about polyvagal theory—sparked by the back-and-forth between Stephen Porges, founder of polyvagal theory, and Paul Grossman, a researcher and outspoken critic of polyvagal theory—has a lot of well-meaning helpers offering their support of the theory as well as others pointing out what they see lacking.
Read Porges’ February 2026 statement here
Read Grossman’s February 2026 statement here
While these Porges/Grossman statements could feel either/or, you might want to read more a more expansive, science-informed, and lived-experience take on how we can mobilize, move, express ourselves in authentic, bold, productive ways:
If the widespread idea of "calming down" or "be nice" feels like it bypasses or simplifies healing, growth and authenticity, and/or,
If you get excited for a rich scientific debate about biology and multi-generational trauma patterning/resolution, and/or
If you love to learn more about relational healing approaches.
What I am offering here, in the method I helped to co-develop, moves beyond the "either/or" and proposes an "and,”—more insight into moving beyond the "calm culture" and into the anatomical functioning of how the two-person healing relationship can help one to embody big moves, big ideas, big living, into a state of living that doesn't involve the chemistry of trauma response but rather nervous system state Play/Dance. This Play/Dance means authentic living, more capacity for authentic movement, and unique expression of self.
The originator of Chi for Two® Dee Wagner explains more in depth in a recent blog post. I invite you to check out Dee’s take on the debate, which is embodied in the Chi for Two method, in these two ways:
see the Chi for Two blog post here. We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section on the blog post!
In the meantime, I will continue advocating for soccer, recess, community building, and all the types of “play”—for all ages—that encourages each player being a star, authentically moving from their center, fueled by elder support and peer celebration!